


waiting on our strings

by atemzug



Category: BTOB
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Emotional Infidelity, Exes, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23095558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atemzug/pseuds/atemzug
Summary: As long as a single string can still carry out a tune, a melody can be played.
Relationships: Jung Ilhoon/Lim Hyunsik
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	waiting on our strings

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write this on hyunsik's birthday. i also wanted this to be fluff. clearly, i was able to achieve neither of those, so pls have Light Angst, Almost Substance ilsik.
> 
> still wishing hyunsik a belated happy birthday!! i hope he's happy.

Saturday. Almost two in the morning. Hyunsik's still playing some chords on his oldest guitar, an acoustic one with peeling paint and two missing strings. He can't be bothered to buy a new set; he has a lot of other guitars, anyway, ones that are far better than this old one. Besides, these strings were a gift; as long as one still works, Hyunsik would never replace them.

That's when he gets a call from an ID that should've long been deleted from his contact list.

He waits until the ringing stops-- it usually does, after a few seconds or so. As expected, the ringing does stop. What’s unexpected, though, is for it to start again not even a second later.

Hyunsik thinks there must be something wrong, but he’s not too sure if he wants to find out. He doesn’t need to-- not anymore, at least. What was between them has long been gone. Still, there’s no denying the feelings that linger. Maybe that’s why Hyunsik’s now reaching for the phone, his thumb hovering above the screen, itching to swipe across so he could hear Ilhoon’s voice. 

“Hello?” he says through the line, consciously keeping his voice in an even tone.

"Hyung-- hey," the answer goes. 

"Is there something wrong?" is the first thing he asks, because why else would his ex-boyfriend be calling him out of nowhere at this hour?

There’s a pause. Hyunsik would’ve thought the line has been cut if not for the faint sound of Ilhoon’s breathing coming in through the phone’s speaker.

“Ilhoon?” He repeats, “Is there something wrong?”

Another pause.

“Ilhoon--”

"I think so,” the younger finally responds. 

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm--" Ilhoon chuckles, its sound sending unwelcome warmth to Hyunsik's entire body. "I  _ guess _ there's something wrong because-- well, I'm kinda outside your door, hyung."

It takes a complete second before Hyunsik's exclaiming, "What? What do you mean?" through the phone and making a beeline to his front door. He opens it and--

"Hyung," Ilhoon greets, smiling shyly. Hyunsik stares as the latter shifts on his feet. "Happy birthday."

"What are you doing here?" is all Hyunsik could think to ask.

"I don't know, either,” Ilhoon answers quietly, looking down for a quarter of a second before he’s smiling up at Hyunsik again, saying, “I brought chicken, though! Can I come in?”

Hyunsik stares at him for a moment, still somewhere in the middle of confusion and disbelief. He's maybe also wondering if this is all a dream, and maybe he should pinch himself to check. But he instead opens the door wide enough for Ilhoon to pass through, without saying a word.

It's more than a little disconcerting, the way Ilhoon acts so freely and loosely around Hyunsik's unit. Then again, this unit had once been Ilhoon's, too, even if just for a short while.

"I was thinking of getting pizza," Ilhoon starts, settling down on Hyunsik's couch. "But I got too lazy to get some. We could just have some delivered if you want, though."

_ We _ . Even how casually he uses the word makes Hyunsik's head want to spin around in circles until he passes out. He's usually level headed, but Ilhoon's always been a weakness.

He stands by the door, maintaining a safe distance, arms crossed over his chest as if this protects his heart in any way. "What are you doing here?" he repeats, more clearly this time and without the traces of earlier's surprised confusion.

"To celebrate your birthday?" Ilhoon offers, shrugging.

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know, hyung, okay? I just have to be somewhere  _ else _ ."

Hyunsik sighs. He finally allows himself to walk towards the other, sitting beside him on the couch. "Ilhoonie," he says quietly. "Are you okay?"

It's a simple question, but it's always been one that gets Ilhoon talking. It's still a little surprising that their years apart haven't changed that yet.

"I'm just really tired, hyung," Ilhoon admits, sighing deeply, his shoulders slouching. He looks really small like this, and it makes Hyunsik want to wrap his arms around him, protect him from whatever _ or whoever _ it is that makes him feel this way. What should stop him, honestly? It's Ilhoon who came to him, anyway, and not the other way around. Still, Hyunsik's a decent person; he won't do anything like that knowing that, aside from them being long over, the latter's been in a new relationship for about a year now.

"Did you fight?" he dares to ask. It's the only thing he can dare to do at the moment.

"Not really." Ilhoon shrugs. "I mean, we're okay right now, but..." he trails off.

Hyunsik's never been one to push Ilhoon whenever he's trying to say something. He just waits until the latter's ready to talk.

Maybe that's where he went wrong.

Maybe he should've pushed Ilhoon to talk, to tell him what's been bothering him, to tell him what's wrong.

Maybe if Hyunsik had done that, things would've gone differently.

Doing so now wouldn't change their past, he knows that well enough, but maybe it can change what's going to happen in the future. Ilhoon's always had a special place in his heart, and even though things between them didn't exactly end all that well, he'll still always want what's best for Ilhoon.

"But?" he prods.

It takes Ilhoon by surprise, and he looks at the other with knitted brows, but it does make him answer. "I think I'm tired of just being  _ okay _ ."

"What do you mean?"

"We're  _ just that _ , hyung. Sungjae and I are just... okay."

"Isn't that good?"

"I don't know, honestly."

"Okay." Hyunsik purses his lips, letting the word hang heavily in the air.

They sit in silence for a few moments, both not knowing what to say. What else is there to say, anyway? Hyunsik knows Ilhoon is only here because of Sungjae, and he doesn't want to be a reason the two would fight but he can't ask Ilhoon to leave, either. But Hyunsik also knows he can't let Ilhoon stay because after all this time, he still has feelings.

He'd never tell anyone, but he's still waiting.

Waiting for what, exactly, though?

For Ilhoon to come running back to his arms? For Ilhoon to tell him he still loves him? For Ilhoon to suddenly want to get back together?

It's pathetic, really. Hyunsik feels pathetic, but he can't help how he feels. Ilhoon's the only one he felt -- still feels -- a connection with. And somehow, even after their years apart, It's as if there's still a single string connecting them, thin and on the brink of breaking. But as long as there's still a string, and a tune can still be carried out on his old guitar, Hyunsik will continue playing.

He knows Ilhoon will, too.

"I miss you, hyung," the younger says quietly, and Hyunsik can't say he didn't expect it.

"I miss you, too," he admits as well. "Every day."

"Hyung and I... We weren't just okay. We were happy, weren't we?"

"We were," Hyunsik agrees.

"Well, until we weren't, at least," Ilhoon adds, chuckling lightly.

"Yeah." Hyunsik shakes his head, laughing just as lightly. 

"I got you something, by the way." Ilhoon takes a small package out of his coat's pocket, handing it to Hyunsik.

"What's this?" he asks, although he already had a guess as soon as his hands touched it.

"A birthday present." Ilhoon clears his throat before standing up. "I better get going now."

Hyunsik wants to ask him to stay, but instead he says, "Okay."

"Thanks, hyung."

"Sure."

Hyunsik watches as Ilhoon shows himself out, with the ease and comfort of having called this place home for a few months. He looks back once and smiles at Hyunsik. Then he disappears behind the door, leaving Hyunsik alone once again.

A sigh.

He stares at the package for a while, not sure if he wants to confirm his guess or not. But there's nothing left to do, is there? So he brings Ilhoon's gift inside his room, placing it on his bed.

He takes his old guitar, the one he's been playing earlier before Ilhoon called, and starts removing the strings, one by one, until the guitar's left with nothing to play it with.

Hyunsik stares at the bare guitar for some time, wondering if he should just leave it at that. It's old, anyway; it's already served its purpose, and truthfully Hyunsik would make more use out of something new. But he still finds himself reaching out for the package Ilhoon gave him earlier.

It's a little funny, how Ilhoon was so sure Hyunsik would still be holding onto the last set that he had gifted him some years ago. Sometimes he feels like an open book to Ilhoon, his pages bare and worn. It's funny, how Hyunsik's almost sure that Ilhoon is completely aware that he's still waiting, and the implications of this gift almost makes Hyunsik want to just throw it away-- but of course he can't.

Because he's still waiting.

And Ilhoon knows.

Because as long as these strings can still carry out a tune, Hyunsik will keep playing.

And he knows Ilhoon will, too.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/crashingfalling)


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